Migrate Again

I have moved.

http://theblabberingme.wordpress.com/

Or should I say, is still in the process of moving.

Getting busy nowadays.

If Only The World Was So Simple

If you recall how I was stranded by the very big until cannot get bigger downpour, you would know that I need to walk a long way before I can get my transport home from my workplace.

Walking along this path can get interesting since occasionally I meet some of my students along the way.

That day, I caught up with this girl whose name was among the first I remembed. That so because she's popular in class. Popular in the sense all the guys will come and bully her automatically, even during my lesson. I also like her (Read: Like, Not Love) as she was constantly cheerful and laughing like a mad woman.

That day, she was walking slower then the slowest snail. Me, being a outstanding and caring teacher, had to show my concern by inquiring, "Are you feeling all right."

She gave me a the-world-had-just-collapsed-on-me look, replying "I quarelled with my friend, want to say sorry also cannot because not my fault."

If only my problems are as easy as this. I advised, "some things no right no wrong, just need one party to say sorry, everyone happy. You can be heroine"
See, I always talk nonsense but can give very good advice OK.

Meanwhile, she looked as if she was ready to worship me. She thanked me and then she turned back to her usual stuff. Laughing hysterically. Jump here jump there.

It was then I decided to execute my exit strategies.

"Oh, I'll be going in this direction. Bye Bye."

(Spun and escaped)

20-Year-Old Also Can Fall Down

There are three categories of people when it comes to waking up, at least in my own arrogant humble opinion.

The first type can wake up by himself just using a alarm clock. The second type are those who cannot be bothered, except to wake up and whack the alarm clock before going back to sleep. And there are those who can sleep through a 10.0 ritcher scale earthquake.

I am proud to announce I belong to the first type, promptly springing up once my phone alarm starts to nag. But to ensure I do not fall into the second category, I normally place my phone in a place where I need to walk to in order to shut it up.

To cut the long blabbering story short, after shooting up from my bed after this afternoon's nap, I staggered towards my phone.

PLOP.

The next thing I knew, I was staring straight at my bedroom's floor tiles. Like want to kiss them already. Because I blur like sotong after waking up, I continue to stare blankly at my bedroom's floor tiles.

"Eh? Why am I on the floor"

It was only after, yes after, I tried to stand up that it dawned on me my left leg was cramped up. Which caused my body to lose support as I tried to walk.

Apparently, my falling down must have been more dramatic than a 10.0 ritcher scale earthquake. For I found my brother, who belongs to the last category, woken up from his I-thought-would-never-end nap and staring at me with a blur like King Sotong look.

I am now very convinced I am getting old. This should be the 11th sign of growing old.

Leg. Is. Still. Quite. Pain. Now.

Friends Are Priceless, Their Presents Very Expensive

Eight.

Eight birthday presents I have to pay for this month. At this rate, I'm going to turn off my handphone.

Hey, its only January leh.

This made me think about what my friend mentioned about the other day.

Anyhow Blog

Since it's a Saturday today, I felt the need to avoid writing down anything that is work related. And then it dawned on me that I had no specific topics to write about if I was to avoid talking about teaching.

Man, my life is so boring.

And so, some random thoughts in no particular order:

1. Today is a boring Saturday.

2. It is boring because I'm staying at home to make sure I fully recover such that I stop rasping and croaking like a 1000-year-old-toad to my 400 students come lessons next week. Actually I just want to recover so that I can quickly attack the 600g of Ba Gua sitting on my kitchen table.

3. I'm not thinking about her as much these days.

4. I hope my brother is not gay because he brought over a guy friend to sleep over yesterday.

5. I hope he does not read this. If not he will skin me left right up down centre and hang me upside down outside our home.

Thats all folks.

I'm going back to my unmarked worksheets.

Knight Me

Did not manage to blog yesterday because I had three straight hours of lesson followed by two straight hours of marking and rounded off by four straight hours of private tuition.

That day, I mentioned to a friend that I should be knighted for my sacrifices to the Singapore education system. You know, knight. Those type where you ask someone to move a silver sword up and down your head. Like call me Sir.

He looked at me as if I've gone mad, before proceeding to release a continuous burst of maniac laughter.

When he managed to calm down 5 mins later, he thanked me for making his day.

Wa Lau

PS: Since my free joke of the day keeps the expensive money sucking family doctor away from you, I shall demand some consultation fee from you the next time we meet. Watch Out.

My Head Spun

A common friend of me and Female Friend has taken great pains to indirectly warn me about Female Friend after I granted her a life-time free pass to TheBlabberingMe.

This friend posted on her blog a long and elaborate entry on Female Friend. The contents were negative, the tone hostile. Admittedly, I am shaken because I do think she knows her much better than I do.

And choosing to put it on your blog instead of slapping it straight to my face showed you cared about my feelings.

Therefore,

Thank You

Perhaps what first started out harmlessly has gotten way out of hand. I need to re-think.

My head is spinning like Saturn.

Why You Should Not Look Down On The Normal Stream Students

When teachers meet each other on the corridors, besides giving the all-diplomatic-smile, the first things they do is ask, Which class are you going to?

Any answers that points to a Normal Stream class is normally met with a Good Luck or Best of Luck. And my school is considered a not bad school already.

Senior teachers have been advising us reliefs to adopt the "teach less do more" approach in Normal Classes. Meaning cut short lecture, use the time to let them copy the workbook answers. Meaning giving up on them.

I cannot fault them because after years of teaching, their energy and passion has long been hollow-ed out.

But me, being new, being young, being fresh and full of energy is still trying. I saw one of my two classes of Normal Students today.

After waiting for 10 mins for them to settle down without interrupting them, I said, "those wan learn come in front. Those bo chap go to the back. at the back you can do anything you want except sleep and disturbing me. i dun care (gives my most bo chap face)"

Imagine my surprise when the whole class moved forward. Even if it turned out later that some just followed the crowd and kept talking, I could see more faces following my lesson. Although its still early to conclude, but at least its a early victory. And I look forward to going in next week.

Now, to my arrogant and ignorant counterparts who rose through the express/special streams, those normal students are not stupid.

In fact if we migrate the schooling population to countries such as Switzerland, you will be classified as Normal students. Over there, unlike Singapore, vocational skills are more valued than academic results.

Me will be the worst student I tell you. I hand like leg, leg like hand. Cannot coordinate.

Those Normal students are just victims of our locally chosen education system.

Now as my friend always say, Wake Up Your Bloody Idea

You Come Here, Why Your Skirt So Short

Today's post is a follow up on this post.

The relief teachers were all gathered for lunch after school. Halfway through our meal, one of them exclaimed, Look at her (student) skirt! So short!

Responding to my inborn instincts, I of course immediately turned and look. Got short skirt of course look. But before I could take a closer look, I was promptly verbally slapped left right up down centre for being a pervert by the female colleagues, which happened to be the majority present.

Ask me to look so I look. Like that also wrong.

But a guy got to be smart. Never fight a losing battle in a hopeless war.

After the ladies finish bitching criticizing about the short skirt, another commented this, Last time in our school the male teachers are not allowed to tell the female students their skirts are too short.

Now I think this rule is abusurd. Because no male teachers in the right frame of mind will do that. With students nowadays, you can't predict their responses,

"Teacher, why you look at my skirt? My legs nice?"

You have no choice but to say No.

"Teacher dun bluff la, not nice you still see. You better confirm again (pull skirts higher)"

At this point if your nose start to bleed, thats it. By the end of the week, Í'm sure you earn a new nickname as The Teacher Who Look At Skirts.

Being a teacher is hard.

Being a male teacher is even harder you know.

They Screamed My Name In A Shopping Mall

The teacher in me delivers today's lesson: Being stubborn will not pay.

Despite big dark evil looking clouds invading our skies each day, I indignantly refuse to carry an umbrella out with me.

As I left school today, the skies opened up like our Merlion in the Singapore river. I was very well trapped since the nearest shelter and my destination (shopping mall) was a good 100 metres away. Running across was not an option since I think I would have drowned within 10 steps without an umbrella.

Besides, me is teacher. Got public image to uphold. Cannot anyhow run here run there.

Waiting patiently beneath a HDB block, this group of my student (all girls) came across. Each with an umbrella. Observing my forlorn situation, they gleefully jumped into the rain, waving their umbrellas about.

They laughed, they taunted the teacher without the umbrella. But they all ran away very quickly after I kindly offered threatened to give them more homework if they stayed.

Students nowadays (shakes head and sign).

Lucky me smart. Navigate to the nearby bus stop to take bus to shopping mall.

Heart pain, 61 cents you know.

At the shopping mall, I saw the same group of students. At the very public shopping mall, with tons of people inside, they screamed, Mmmmmrrrrr (innnsseertt mmmyyy ssssuuurrrnammmee), you again! , before proceeding to jump and run towards me.

At the instant they screamed, hundreds of people turned towards me.

I have never been so paiseh.

When I Look At Her

Having attended three 21st birthday parties in the span of two weekends, I'm already starting to feel bored since they are always run in the same sequence.

Arrival (fake wishes of happy birthday cos its not actual day)
Chit chat (how are you now? what are you doing?)
Eat food (pretend food is nice)
Chit chat (desperately find something to talk about)
Cut cake (compulsory to smile and sing birthday song)
Take photo (everyone queue up and take turn)
Bye-bye (finally can execute exit strategies)

Luckily so far so good, no invitations for the month of February.

Another bad thing is you get invited to friend's concerts at such gatherings. I got invited by default when this friend refused to pay me the money for yesterday's birthday present. She adamantly insisted the money was for her concert.

Where got such thing you tell me? If she is a he, I would have whack him left right up down centre to get my money back. But since she is a she, do I look like I have a choice?

Talking about she, reminds me of her.

Female friend was present yesterday.

To my own horror, I caught myself observing her at a few times. And when she went away to chat with other guys, I was not feeling very comfortable. So much so that I abruptly changed my seat's orientation so that she did not remain in my line of sight. Of course, nobody noticed since I'm always tactical.

Ok enough.

I should stop adding to my white hair count thinking of such things. But still I'm holding on to my handphone waiting for her to reply.

Help.

How To Add Color To Your Voice

As many of you will have already known, on top of my day time job as a relief teacher, I also prey on unsuspecting victims to be my private tuition students.

Unlike Miss Loi, my tuition kids grades are not fantastic. How to improve when they are so lazy that they only touch the textbooks when I step into their house two times a week.

Last year, this tuition kid will always try to make use of my lesson to auto-connect with dreamland. After I stop the connection, he will auto-retry one minute after the previous attempt.

It was so bad I thought I could make a career out of treating patients suffering from insomnia.

Dr. TheBlabberingMe

Insomnia Specialist

One session one hour one hundred dollars. Told you I got entrepreneur skills.

And my worst fears were confirmed yesterday.

I gave my each of the students in my best class a small slip of paper to write down what they thought of my lesson. Best classes always have mad students. Ask me for more notes. Ask me for more homework. Even ask me for suprise tests.

But my main concern was about my voice being monotonous/flat/no tone stood out the most. One even said my voice no colour. Now, how does one go about adding colour to his voice?

Tried my luck at google. This is what I got.

Not very helpful, leh.

Student Run, Teacher Chase

On my desk next to me sits a grand pile of at least 400 worksheet sets to be marked. Half of them are two-paged. And they are not multiple choice questions. They are open ended questions with alot alot words.

Over-the-weekend-must-mark-finish.

And you cannot imagine how much effort I took in order to get these 400 worksheet sets to torture myself over the weekend to mark to help my students improve. I nag during lessons, I nag during recess, I nag after school. Until I nag until cannot nag, ask those with outstanding assignements undone to stay back after school.

To my absolute surprise, when I arrived at those classrooms, majority of the culprits had already escaped. And I reached only 5 minutes after the bell rang.

Next time must park myself outside 5 mins before the bell ring.

I even went all the way to the basketball court to catch them. But the court so pack and so many students, I din recognise any faces. Me being me, dun give a damn. Dun care whether my students or not my students. So I let loose my once-a-parade-commander-many-years-ago voice, with a extremely pissed off face.

I raged across two basketball courts.

"Those from (insert class), (insert class) and (insert class), you better get yourself over here now."

They were all so stunned that all of them froze. Basketballs flew everywhere into the bushes. I almost laughed.

Next Monday.

Next Monday I will get the remaining culprits and whack them left right up down centre.

Then hang upside down outside the school date.

Watch the New Paper for the Teacher Who Tortured His Students.

Work Like That Can Die

Out of last year's three tuition kids, two (brothers) have decided to stay with me for this year. The parents of the remaining student have decided to sack me not to engage in my excellent services after a horrendous end of year exam results.

Giving tuition after a day of teaching very tiring. Eyes want to close already. Have been working from 7 in the morning until 10 pm just now.

Today I had 6 periods in a row. You try shouting for three hours. See how many Jia Jia Liang Teh you need after that. Me is trained I tell you. Me no longer need Jia Jia Liang Teh after all the continuous shouting.

My students are not handing in my assignments. Must catch a few of them and skin them alive. Hang outside the school gate as warning to the rest.

No. Wait. No more work please.

Very busy but still come online. Come online because I thought she will be online to update my blog ok.

She's Back

Her nickname appeared on MSN a while back. I was surprised because I thought she would only be back on Friday.

She is back. Back in Singaore.

She initiated a conversation with me on MSN.

She is still chatting with me.

And so I shall not blog now.

You Cut Line, I Feel Impotent

My telco stopped providing mobile services to me today.

That was apparently after they sent two sms reminders to me to quickly pay up the three months of outstanding bills. But I conveniently ignored the two reminders while my dad conveniently forgot to pay the three months of bills.

Nothing wrong with asking parents to pay handphone bills what. Outside got car-pooling, my family got bill-pooling. One person pay for everybody make things simple. Somemore my bills cheap cheap,will not go beyond $30 a month.

They cut service. But can still receive sms. Can still receive call. So that you become strongly encouraged to pay up ASAP. So very smart of them.

They cut service. I cannot reply sms. I cannot call. Want to, but cannot. Really want to, but still cannot.

Now I understand the pain of impotent people. The feeling of wanting to do something very much but having no way of doing it. Very scared I impotent next time. Must die die squeeze more entries into my "Good Karma" File.

Managed to only reply using my dad's phone' (his line under another telco) after reaching home.

One friend replied immediately, Huh? Why you use your student handphone?

You see, even my friends think I'm lunatic enough to do such crazy things.

Where got teachers so crazy enough to borrow their student's handphone to use??

"Teacher! I Found A $2 Note"

Being a extremely hard working and dedicated teacher I am, I almost forgot to take lunch today.

To cut the whole grandmother story very short, a student interrupted my not-very-nice-tasting lunch (what to do, at 3+ pm those stalls with very-nice-tasting food close stall and go home already. only those cannot-make-it stalls remain open to prey on left-with-no-choice victims like me).

She (student) attempted to pass me this $2 note. Without hesitation I reached for it. My hand reach halfway, then I recalled that I had used my $2 note to pay for my food so its definitely not mine. But a very wise man once said:

Never mind, Got Money Take First Then Say

And the very last moment, she declared : "Teacher! I found this on the floor."

And I was very well stunned. Because I cannot remember the last time anybody did not want to keep money they found on the floor. Especially since $2 should be alot of money to a lower sec student.

People walk on streets outside pick up 10 cents coin they also lagi happy the whole day. In fact I think if you take a $2 note and hand it over to the nearest police post they will lock you up and charge you in court for being a public nuisance.

After recovering from my shock, I told her to give the money to the general office instead as I think I will be tempted to keep the money for myself I think that is the proper procedures.

I may not have any remaining the highest moral values. But I cannot be worse then a sec one student right?

Hmmm, need to record this good deed I did today in my "Good Karma" File. Teacher must set good example. Be role model. So I diligently update my file. One fine day if I'm summoned to see whether I qualify for heaven or hell, I will be well prepared.

Problem is,

My "Bad Karma" file very thick ; My "Good Karma" File very thin.

How

Of Her Skirts Getting Shorter and His Pants Getting Longer

Stepping into school half awake on a freaking Monday morning at a freaking time where its still freaking dark, there were two students who caught my eye immediately.

A sec one guy. And a sec one girl.

Alright I admit I assumed they were sec one since firstly, they were still really really small. Like if big wind blow they will fly away. Secondly, their bag is as big as my army field pack (field pack=army bag) that I brought along for a 7 day 6 night nightmare stay in a forest without brushing my teeth happy camping trip during my Basic Military Training.

And for you people with distorted minds out there, no they are not love birds holding hands.

What piqued my interest was their school uniform. The guy's shorts was so short I felt sorry for his precious thing. It/He/Whatever must have been suffocating like crazy. As for the girl, her skirt was so long that I think if you tear half of it away it would still be longer than a upper sec girl's skirt.

I can imagine as the years go by, the pants gets more baggy and baggy.
I can imagine as the years go by, the skirts get shorter and shorter.

And so a chain of thoughts was triggered. I think we humans have the knack of always asking for the wrong things.

We (guys) ask for baggy pants thinking its cool. But baggy pants give a messy look. You (girls) ask for shorter skirts. But..... hmm actually I do not have an issue with this.... shorter skirts invites trouble. We want to work instead of study. But the moment we start work, we want to return to study. We want less thinks to do when we are too busy. Yet when we have nothing to do we look for something to do.

In conclusion, I think the right think to do is to ask for the opposite of what you think you want.

However, I die die still insist on asking for a girlfriend. I'm not going to ask for a boyfriend because my stupid sensible conclusion dictates so.

I may be dumb. But not that dumb.

She Looked At Me With Big-Round-Innocent-Pleading Eyes

First weekend of 2008 was kickstarted with major 21st birthday celebrations. To attend two birthday parties in a single night was stressful. Especially when one is in Changi and another in Woodlands.

Especially when I was banned from leaving the 1st party to attend the 2nd party until the cake was cut. Normally, me being me, would not have given a hoot about the cake. Whether you got cut your cake or not, not my business. I am dead set on executing my exit strategies at 2000 hrs sharp.

But there is nothing much a straight guy like me, the straighter than a straight line type, can do when the birthday girl look at you with big-round-innocent-pleading eyes and say : "so early? but my cake haven't cut yet. pleaaaasssseeee stay until I cut my cake".

I tell you those big-round-innocent-pleading eyes got magic power. When cast under a spell, how you expect me to insist I want to leave. Upon hearing OK, she rewarded me with a smile that was sweeter than the sweetest sweet on earth.

Disclaimer: I swear that the birthday girl was not anybody special. I swear that the birthday girl was not someone I had a crush on last time in secondary school. I also swear that I did not attempt to make her my girlfriend but my advances were largely ignored.

At 10 pm, 2 hours later than my initially planned departure timing, they finally cut the cake and I was free to leave.

At 11pm, 5 hours after the 2nd party started, I arrived at the 2nd party. Upon arrival, Lao Giam, Skinny Man and gang promptly scolded and whacked me left right up down centre. I was abit guilty because the birthday boy was Skinny Man, a friend of mine since primary school.

Disclaimer: I swear that Lao Giam and gang did not call me many many times to hurry me to the party. I swear that I did not choose my birthday girl over my Skinny Man.

I am beginning to confirm the cold hard fact suspect that I rank girls alot higher than guys.

I'm Sane/Crazy/Sane/Crazy/Sane/Crazy. I Don't Know

Reading through all my previous blog posts, it occured to me that I sound like a just-escape-from-mental-asylum madman.

While some posts are downright serious, others are crazily insane. And there are those which I myself think should be classified under stupidly ridiculously. What in the world was I thinking when I typed them out?

I thought long.
I thought hard.
But still no answers. Only more white hair.

Which reminds me. My students seems to have a issue with my hair.

"Teacher! Why your hair so white" teacher always think of girls
"Teacher! Why your fringe so long" precisely why I teacher, you student
"Teacher! Why your hair this way" ..... I like?

But of course I didn't answer. Pretend to never hear. Besides, they never raise their hands. So not counted. Being a teacher got its perks you know.

If not next Monday I think I will see parents queuing up to complain against me. Since they so kaisu I think they would have started chopping queue numbers outside the school gate long before our big bright yellow sun climbed over the HDB flat to say hello.

*shudders*

I Am Still In The Teacher's Room

I'm typing this from my workplace in school. At 4.00 pm. So those who thinks relief teaching is relaxing should think twice.

I'm not slacking now. I'm just waiting for my turn to use the photocopier. You will think thats strange because I count... one.. two.. three.. four.. five..six.. photocopiers around me. Yes you read right, six photocopiers. Of which 3 or 4 normally with paper jams and the dumb dumb teachers dunno how to take the stuck paper out. Oh well, I also dunno how to clear the stuck papers.

Unfortunately, of the six avaliable, only one can do mass printing. The others churn out your papers like snails and we(teachers) are not supposed to use them in case they breakdown, probably due to overload.

And I must say again, teachers work very hard. The current teacher has been on the mass photocopier for more then half an hour. And good god, she is armed with enough papers for a long world war. God Bless her students, I tell you.

By the way, I used up 2 reams of paper today. Which means to say I have use up like 500 X 2 = 1000 pieces of white paper. See, I am very hard working also. And a while ago I signed out for another 3 reams of paper. So technically, today, I am the most hardworking teacher in the school since I draw out the most paper.

And oh I also must tell you.........WAIT........

Another teacher armed with enough paper for a short world war is approaching, I must faster go chop my place in the queue.......

Its Not Easy Being A Teacher

Along the years, I've learnt that you only truly understand things when you have the opportunity to experience them yourself. Like how a girl can never understand a guy's pain of 2 years of NS, a student can never understand the work of a teacher.

And it is now, on day 2 of my teaching stint, that I truly sees the efforts put in by school teachers. They slog everyday. And slog they do. Within the cold walls of the staff room, from where students are blinded and oblivious to what is really happening, teachers rush to get things done.

They rush to photocopy notes in time for the next lesson. These notes, many students misplace them.

They rush to get ready the day's presentation slides. These slides, many students look at them with blank stares.

They rush to create the next set of worksheets. These worksheets, many students just copy the answers from their peers.

They rush to prepare students for exams. These exams, many students don't bother about them.

And I am guilty. Guilty of the above and of many many other things that I will not do as a student if time reverses.

I wonder, why they do not build glass doors for the staff room. Glass doors that allows students to see what their teachers do for them. I think the idea's dumb but I can't think of anything else. Can't possibly put webcams in teachers room so that students can access them online real-time right?

I wonder.

I wonder how she is doing now. Hope she returns soon.

I Am A Teacher OK

Officially today, 2nd January 2008, I am proud to announce that I'm a relief teacher. Woot!

Am teaching a certain subject at a certain school. No I will not be specific less MOE stumbles on this blog and I make the New Paper headlines.

First day of school today was chaotic. And it was obvious that students were out to "test waters" to see whether I will float or sink.

Lucky me is guy, got loud voice. Lucky me is ugly, got fierce face. Lucky me last time from uniform groups, got experience in controlling groups. Lucky me teaching not so big boys and girls, got enough power to control them. And so I think I very well belong to the floating type.

But still, after three straight lessons, I had to send out SOS call to canteen to save my throat. Because I shout and shout and shout so much in those lessons. I now declare Jia Jia Liang Teh is now my best friend. Drink already, my throat revive.

As I was buying my Jia Jia Liang Teh, this perm teacher laughed at me : So fast need Jia Jia Liang Teh for your throat already?

Tomorrow I show her.

Tomorrow I buy Red Bull.

Today, later, I drink more Jia Jia Liang Teh

And Off She Flies To, Far Far Away

I had an incredible busy festive period with outings after outings and gatherings after gatherings. So much so that all the time I spent at home this couple of days was on the bed.

So much so that my lips parched and cracked from a lack of moisture due to inadequate water intake.

And as I watched the welcome fireworks for 2008 over Marina Bay at the Padang yesterday, a wave of nostalgic sentiments swept over me. As a friend proclaimed, and I agreed, 2008 will be good no matter how bad it will turn out. For 2008 signifies the end of 2007 (and 2006), the two years where we male species waste 2 years of our life donning the green army uniform.

My very first thoughts of 2008 was that Female Friend would be flying away today. To a far far away place called China.

With her boyfriend.

But I'm sorry to tell you I am not going to do a korean-drama style of running to the airport to stop her from leaving at the very last minute.

Because she will be there only for 9 days. Or 216 hours. Or 12960 mins. Or 777600 seconds. She will come back to Singapore.

I hope she will be back soon.

Meanwhile, happy new year to everyone!

My Friend Lao Giam

Attempting to log in to this blog yesterday got me a rude shock for a message from google read, Your account has been locked, please refer to -insert's http address- for more details.

This got me puzzled as I'm pretty confident I did nothing illegal with this account. No porn arts materials, no nothing. Luckily the issue was automatically resolved within 24 hours as stated by google.

Nevertheless, yesterday was another trapped-at-home day with my lazy arse stuck at home. A hastily arranged dinner cum look at pretty girls session with my friend Lao Giam and gang felled though when too many people had pre-arranged plans.

Now, you'll be wondering why my friend is known as Lao Giam. (Lao=Old, Giam=Thrifty). On our trip to Taiwan, his reluctance to spend money unless absolute necessary earned him his, I suspect, life time nickname. He is so giam siap that he chose to lug his 25kg luggage home on bus and foot rather than hail a taxi from the airport after a 8-days energy sapping holiday trip.

But my friend, Lao Giam, can be quite smart and funny at times. On MSN, he stated and I quote,

Christmas is only fun for people who
1)have girls to call girlfriends
2)have invitations to attend christmas parties

And so for people like us who do not belong to Group 1 or Group 2, we find our skinny arse rotting back at home.

Just, In Time

I'm back here again after a WWIII battling with a computer virus that wrecked the terminal from which I'm typing on now. And it reminds me of a quote that I remember from a war game that I played some time back.

To Make War, Three Things Are Necessary. Money, Money and More Money.

How true. Despite winning the battle, I'm effectively almost $100 poorer.

Ah well, at least I'm back in time for Xmas. And by looking at the time now, you smart guys can probably tell that I'm stuck at home on Xmas Eve.

I is very sad.

The only consolation is the Female Friend offered to hand-bake some xmas cookies for me.

But, I is still very sad.

And She Was Late For The DATE

Female Friend arranged to meet up with me at 1230 pm today.

At 1234 pm, Female Friend was nowhere to be seen. And my suspicions that she is going to be late unfortunately turned true after exchanging a series of SMSs.

Female Friend: Me is going to be late. Dun ask me where I am. Haha

Me: I knew it. Lemme guess, you must still be at home.

Female Friend: No you are wrong! Me is right outside my house. Am going to bus stop now. Go to (restaurant's name) and chop seats first.

(One hour and fifteen minutes later)

Me: U better come quick because everone in the restaurant is giving me the all very pitiful looks. When you reach they will give you the i-know-you-turn-up-very-late look.

Female Friend: Haha! But they will change their mind once they see me and give the omg-she-so-very-pretty look. I feel so sorry for the restaurant. Having you sit inside must have frightened off potential customers.

And so Female Friend was late for a grand total of one hour and nineteen minutes.
And so I dumbly sat inside the restaurant for a grand total of one hour and nineteen minutes.

Now although a guy knows a girl is probably going to be late, the very poor male species is often left with no choice but to still turn up early. The male species would rather be tortued by long waiting time rather than create a image of a turn up late for date kind of guy.

Once a girl knows you turn up late, she will tell 10 friends who will in turn tell another 10 friends. And Singapore is not that big, so very soon no girls will want to date you. I am still single and avaliable. I do not want to be single but unavaliable.

And you know why Singapore is not that big? Because in a short span of 4 hours, I saw so many familiar faces that when formed into a line, they can each have a big bright letter on their forehead to form this word:

S-C-A-N-D-A-L-O-U-S

I have a lot of answerings to do for the next few days.

Ministers Pay HIKES 4% to 21%

Just as I was researching ways to impress Female Friend for our upcoming date on Saturday, the very loud TV in my room announced : Ministers Pay Hikes 4% to 21%.

Wah how can?

Now, how do i sign up to become a young PAP member. Female friend will be very impressed when I show her the PAP registration form on Sunday.

If cannot be prime minister, at least can be tail-wagging MP in one of the GRC right?

Oh ya, must remember to change my surname to Lee.

Oh wait. I live in Hougang! Cannot cannot.

I must tell Female friend I intend to move into her house. She stay Bukit Timah. Very near to all the rich and powerful people.

This is call: Kill two bird with one stone.

Smart me.

And She Asked Me For A DATE

Late in the wee hours, I chatted with my Female Friend on MSN.

Female friend is a Classmate. Female Friend is quite attractive, though only from certain angles. Female friend is very flirthy.

And Female friend is also filthy rich.

Cash-checked
Car-checked
Condo-checked
Credit Card-checked
(what's the last C ? never mind forget already)

My type of girlfriend since she is short, pretty and rich. And so we flirted chatted on MSN for three hours. During which she mentioned that her current boy is busy and has no time for her.

Recognising the hint instantly, I immediately launched an attack and sparred with her.

Blabbering Dictionary for sparring - defined as a series of manoveures where the guy tries to date a girl and the girl play hard to get

Now I don't normally seduce talk to other people's girl okie. But what to do when she intiated the date. It is morally and ethically wrong to reject such advances you know.

After all we are only going to shop for christmas presents only, I think.

Christmas presents and nothing else, I think.

47 hours 16 minutes to date with Female Friend.

Wish me luck !

Crazy World Fact #235 : HOLIDAYS for TeddyBears

The world is already insane with children trying to blow themselves up in explosives and teenagers shooting off live firarms in shopping malls.

But the word crazy is brought up to a whole new level when people are willing to send their teddy bears for holidays. There's organised teddy tours and travel clubs to make all the necessary arrangements.

I imagine something like this in the near future:

Plane explodes in mid-air with 295 teddy bears on board
11th Sep 2011

Washington - Terror group XYZ has claimed responsibility for the latest airplane bombing. The plane, with a carrying capacity of 300 on board including 5 crew members, exploded off the pacific ocean at 0700 hrs GMT time while enroute to the USA.
A combined total of 219 search and rescue teams from 27 countries are leading the rescue efforts. However, a anonymous teddybear specialist was pessimistic about survivors, pointing out that teddy bears who were not miraculously blown apart would have drowned 15mins upon hitting water

Thousands of distraught "family members" struggled to come to terms with their losses. Elsewhere, global stock markets took a dive as jittery market players sparked a half hour panic selldown that shaved off a US$72.9 billion off share values.

Ironically, little media attention has been given to the 5 living human crew members who, most likely, have too perished in the explosion.

Reported by The Blabbering Me

I think I am too rubbish.

And only a rubbish-man can produce this:

But if I am going to be a rubbish man, a very rich rubbish man I will be.