20-Year-Old Also Can Fall Down

There are three categories of people when it comes to waking up, at least in my own arrogant humble opinion.

The first type can wake up by himself just using a alarm clock. The second type are those who cannot be bothered, except to wake up and whack the alarm clock before going back to sleep. And there are those who can sleep through a 10.0 ritcher scale earthquake.

I am proud to announce I belong to the first type, promptly springing up once my phone alarm starts to nag. But to ensure I do not fall into the second category, I normally place my phone in a place where I need to walk to in order to shut it up.

To cut the long blabbering story short, after shooting up from my bed after this afternoon's nap, I staggered towards my phone.

PLOP.

The next thing I knew, I was staring straight at my bedroom's floor tiles. Like want to kiss them already. Because I blur like sotong after waking up, I continue to stare blankly at my bedroom's floor tiles.

"Eh? Why am I on the floor"

It was only after, yes after, I tried to stand up that it dawned on me my left leg was cramped up. Which caused my body to lose support as I tried to walk.

Apparently, my falling down must have been more dramatic than a 10.0 ritcher scale earthquake. For I found my brother, who belongs to the last category, woken up from his I-thought-would-never-end nap and staring at me with a blur like King Sotong look.

I am now very convinced I am getting old. This should be the 11th sign of growing old.

Leg. Is. Still. Quite. Pain. Now.

Knight Me

Did not manage to blog yesterday because I had three straight hours of lesson followed by two straight hours of marking and rounded off by four straight hours of private tuition.

That day, I mentioned to a friend that I should be knighted for my sacrifices to the Singapore education system. You know, knight. Those type where you ask someone to move a silver sword up and down your head. Like call me Sir.

He looked at me as if I've gone mad, before proceeding to release a continuous burst of maniac laughter.

When he managed to calm down 5 mins later, he thanked me for making his day.

Wa Lau

PS: Since my free joke of the day keeps the expensive money sucking family doctor away from you, I shall demand some consultation fee from you the next time we meet. Watch Out.

You Come Here, Why Your Skirt So Short

Today's post is a follow up on this post.

The relief teachers were all gathered for lunch after school. Halfway through our meal, one of them exclaimed, Look at her (student) skirt! So short!

Responding to my inborn instincts, I of course immediately turned and look. Got short skirt of course look. But before I could take a closer look, I was promptly verbally slapped left right up down centre for being a pervert by the female colleagues, which happened to be the majority present.

Ask me to look so I look. Like that also wrong.

But a guy got to be smart. Never fight a losing battle in a hopeless war.

After the ladies finish bitching criticizing about the short skirt, another commented this, Last time in our school the male teachers are not allowed to tell the female students their skirts are too short.

Now I think this rule is abusurd. Because no male teachers in the right frame of mind will do that. With students nowadays, you can't predict their responses,

"Teacher, why you look at my skirt? My legs nice?"

You have no choice but to say No.

"Teacher dun bluff la, not nice you still see. You better confirm again (pull skirts higher)"

At this point if your nose start to bleed, thats it. By the end of the week, Í'm sure you earn a new nickname as The Teacher Who Look At Skirts.

Being a teacher is hard.

Being a male teacher is even harder you know.

When I Look At Her

Having attended three 21st birthday parties in the span of two weekends, I'm already starting to feel bored since they are always run in the same sequence.

Arrival (fake wishes of happy birthday cos its not actual day)
Chit chat (how are you now? what are you doing?)
Eat food (pretend food is nice)
Chit chat (desperately find something to talk about)
Cut cake (compulsory to smile and sing birthday song)
Take photo (everyone queue up and take turn)
Bye-bye (finally can execute exit strategies)

Luckily so far so good, no invitations for the month of February.

Another bad thing is you get invited to friend's concerts at such gatherings. I got invited by default when this friend refused to pay me the money for yesterday's birthday present. She adamantly insisted the money was for her concert.

Where got such thing you tell me? If she is a he, I would have whack him left right up down centre to get my money back. But since she is a she, do I look like I have a choice?

Talking about she, reminds me of her.

Female friend was present yesterday.

To my own horror, I caught myself observing her at a few times. And when she went away to chat with other guys, I was not feeling very comfortable. So much so that I abruptly changed my seat's orientation so that she did not remain in my line of sight. Of course, nobody noticed since I'm always tactical.

Ok enough.

I should stop adding to my white hair count thinking of such things. But still I'm holding on to my handphone waiting for her to reply.

Help.

Work Like That Can Die

Out of last year's three tuition kids, two (brothers) have decided to stay with me for this year. The parents of the remaining student have decided to sack me not to engage in my excellent services after a horrendous end of year exam results.

Giving tuition after a day of teaching very tiring. Eyes want to close already. Have been working from 7 in the morning until 10 pm just now.

Today I had 6 periods in a row. You try shouting for three hours. See how many Jia Jia Liang Teh you need after that. Me is trained I tell you. Me no longer need Jia Jia Liang Teh after all the continuous shouting.

My students are not handing in my assignments. Must catch a few of them and skin them alive. Hang outside the school gate as warning to the rest.

No. Wait. No more work please.

Very busy but still come online. Come online because I thought she will be online to update my blog ok.

She Looked At Me With Big-Round-Innocent-Pleading Eyes

First weekend of 2008 was kickstarted with major 21st birthday celebrations. To attend two birthday parties in a single night was stressful. Especially when one is in Changi and another in Woodlands.

Especially when I was banned from leaving the 1st party to attend the 2nd party until the cake was cut. Normally, me being me, would not have given a hoot about the cake. Whether you got cut your cake or not, not my business. I am dead set on executing my exit strategies at 2000 hrs sharp.

But there is nothing much a straight guy like me, the straighter than a straight line type, can do when the birthday girl look at you with big-round-innocent-pleading eyes and say : "so early? but my cake haven't cut yet. pleaaaasssseeee stay until I cut my cake".

I tell you those big-round-innocent-pleading eyes got magic power. When cast under a spell, how you expect me to insist I want to leave. Upon hearing OK, she rewarded me with a smile that was sweeter than the sweetest sweet on earth.

Disclaimer: I swear that the birthday girl was not anybody special. I swear that the birthday girl was not someone I had a crush on last time in secondary school. I also swear that I did not attempt to make her my girlfriend but my advances were largely ignored.

At 10 pm, 2 hours later than my initially planned departure timing, they finally cut the cake and I was free to leave.

At 11pm, 5 hours after the 2nd party started, I arrived at the 2nd party. Upon arrival, Lao Giam, Skinny Man and gang promptly scolded and whacked me left right up down centre. I was abit guilty because the birthday boy was Skinny Man, a friend of mine since primary school.

Disclaimer: I swear that Lao Giam and gang did not call me many many times to hurry me to the party. I swear that I did not choose my birthday girl over my Skinny Man.

I am beginning to confirm the cold hard fact suspect that I rank girls alot higher than guys.

And Off She Flies To, Far Far Away

I had an incredible busy festive period with outings after outings and gatherings after gatherings. So much so that all the time I spent at home this couple of days was on the bed.

So much so that my lips parched and cracked from a lack of moisture due to inadequate water intake.

And as I watched the welcome fireworks for 2008 over Marina Bay at the Padang yesterday, a wave of nostalgic sentiments swept over me. As a friend proclaimed, and I agreed, 2008 will be good no matter how bad it will turn out. For 2008 signifies the end of 2007 (and 2006), the two years where we male species waste 2 years of our life donning the green army uniform.

My very first thoughts of 2008 was that Female Friend would be flying away today. To a far far away place called China.

With her boyfriend.

But I'm sorry to tell you I am not going to do a korean-drama style of running to the airport to stop her from leaving at the very last minute.

Because she will be there only for 9 days. Or 216 hours. Or 12960 mins. Or 777600 seconds. She will come back to Singapore.

I hope she will be back soon.

Meanwhile, happy new year to everyone!

My Friend Lao Giam

Attempting to log in to this blog yesterday got me a rude shock for a message from google read, Your account has been locked, please refer to -insert's http address- for more details.

This got me puzzled as I'm pretty confident I did nothing illegal with this account. No porn arts materials, no nothing. Luckily the issue was automatically resolved within 24 hours as stated by google.

Nevertheless, yesterday was another trapped-at-home day with my lazy arse stuck at home. A hastily arranged dinner cum look at pretty girls session with my friend Lao Giam and gang felled though when too many people had pre-arranged plans.

Now, you'll be wondering why my friend is known as Lao Giam. (Lao=Old, Giam=Thrifty). On our trip to Taiwan, his reluctance to spend money unless absolute necessary earned him his, I suspect, life time nickname. He is so giam siap that he chose to lug his 25kg luggage home on bus and foot rather than hail a taxi from the airport after a 8-days energy sapping holiday trip.

But my friend, Lao Giam, can be quite smart and funny at times. On MSN, he stated and I quote,

Christmas is only fun for people who
1)have girls to call girlfriends
2)have invitations to attend christmas parties

And so for people like us who do not belong to Group 1 or Group 2, we find our skinny arse rotting back at home.

Just, In Time

I'm back here again after a WWIII battling with a computer virus that wrecked the terminal from which I'm typing on now. And it reminds me of a quote that I remember from a war game that I played some time back.

To Make War, Three Things Are Necessary. Money, Money and More Money.

How true. Despite winning the battle, I'm effectively almost $100 poorer.

Ah well, at least I'm back in time for Xmas. And by looking at the time now, you smart guys can probably tell that I'm stuck at home on Xmas Eve.

I is very sad.

The only consolation is the Female Friend offered to hand-bake some xmas cookies for me.

But, I is still very sad.

And She Was Late For The DATE

Female Friend arranged to meet up with me at 1230 pm today.

At 1234 pm, Female Friend was nowhere to be seen. And my suspicions that she is going to be late unfortunately turned true after exchanging a series of SMSs.

Female Friend: Me is going to be late. Dun ask me where I am. Haha

Me: I knew it. Lemme guess, you must still be at home.

Female Friend: No you are wrong! Me is right outside my house. Am going to bus stop now. Go to (restaurant's name) and chop seats first.

(One hour and fifteen minutes later)

Me: U better come quick because everone in the restaurant is giving me the all very pitiful looks. When you reach they will give you the i-know-you-turn-up-very-late look.

Female Friend: Haha! But they will change their mind once they see me and give the omg-she-so-very-pretty look. I feel so sorry for the restaurant. Having you sit inside must have frightened off potential customers.

And so Female Friend was late for a grand total of one hour and nineteen minutes.
And so I dumbly sat inside the restaurant for a grand total of one hour and nineteen minutes.

Now although a guy knows a girl is probably going to be late, the very poor male species is often left with no choice but to still turn up early. The male species would rather be tortued by long waiting time rather than create a image of a turn up late for date kind of guy.

Once a girl knows you turn up late, she will tell 10 friends who will in turn tell another 10 friends. And Singapore is not that big, so very soon no girls will want to date you. I am still single and avaliable. I do not want to be single but unavaliable.

And you know why Singapore is not that big? Because in a short span of 4 hours, I saw so many familiar faces that when formed into a line, they can each have a big bright letter on their forehead to form this word:

S-C-A-N-D-A-L-O-U-S

I have a lot of answerings to do for the next few days.

I Is Boyfriend Material. Are You?

I discovered that I have been bringing up this particular quote this week : (insert friend's name) is so boyfriend material !

It came about when a guy friend of mine, E-Cup Head (so called due to his very big head), suddenly stopped in front of some movie posters.

He then declared with the dun-argue-with-me-cos-i-think-i'm-damn-correct look : I want to watch Enchanted , the Bee Movie and Fred Claus because I think they are nice movies.

Being a manly guy, I died again.

I was very shocked because those are chic movies. And only girls want to watch chic movies.













Which guy will want to watch the above movies?!?!

But seeing his dun-argue-with-me-cos-i-think-i'm-damn-correct look, I told him saying such a statement to a girl will get him +3 Boyfriend Material Points (BMP). Thus he is boyfriend material.

Needless to say, E-Cup Head was very happy for the rest of the day.

But the main point of this post is I think I am more boyfriend material.

- I am not rich (-1 BMP) so I never go Geylang or dirty karaoke before (+2 BMP)

- I not romantic (-1 BMP) which makes me unpopular with other girls except my girlfriend(+2 BMP)

- I am short (-1 BMP) but I only chase short skirts (+2 BMP)
(short skirts=short girls wearing short skirts. of course must be cute la)

And the last critical reason,

- I am straight. Straighter than a straight line. (+10 BMP)

In conclusion, I am at least +13 BMP. At least. Because listing out everything will take forever you know.

And so I is Happy Man.

So drop an dating invitation email to theblabberingme@gmail.com now ! Ladies only please.

Emphasise: Ladies only please.

I Was The Third Party

I never thought that this could happen. To make things worse, everyone else knew about it. I was very well the last.

And I only found out at the very last moment.

The very very last moment when I saw him. We were supposed to go to this Nike warehosue sale together. Only to see his girlfriend clinging next to him like a koala bear.

Nabeh.

Why must call me out to go when he got pretty girlfriend already. Shining like a light bulb brighter then the freaking sun, I struggled to maintain the no-go zone between me and them.

And I also struggle not to steal some glances at his quite pretty girlfriend who was in a quite figure-hugging shirt. Hmmm.. my friend has good tastes. Hmmm.. my friend's girlfriend does not have very good tastes though.

Because I bro-before-hoes, I must attempt not to stare at my friend's girlfriend.

I must admit though, I was not very successful in my attempts.