If Only The World Was So Simple

If you recall how I was stranded by the very big until cannot get bigger downpour, you would know that I need to walk a long way before I can get my transport home from my workplace.

Walking along this path can get interesting since occasionally I meet some of my students along the way.

That day, I caught up with this girl whose name was among the first I remembed. That so because she's popular in class. Popular in the sense all the guys will come and bully her automatically, even during my lesson. I also like her (Read: Like, Not Love) as she was constantly cheerful and laughing like a mad woman.

That day, she was walking slower then the slowest snail. Me, being a outstanding and caring teacher, had to show my concern by inquiring, "Are you feeling all right."

She gave me a the-world-had-just-collapsed-on-me look, replying "I quarelled with my friend, want to say sorry also cannot because not my fault."

If only my problems are as easy as this. I advised, "some things no right no wrong, just need one party to say sorry, everyone happy. You can be heroine"
See, I always talk nonsense but can give very good advice OK.

Meanwhile, she looked as if she was ready to worship me. She thanked me and then she turned back to her usual stuff. Laughing hysterically. Jump here jump there.

It was then I decided to execute my exit strategies.

"Oh, I'll be going in this direction. Bye Bye."

(Spun and escaped)

Anyhow Blog

Since it's a Saturday today, I felt the need to avoid writing down anything that is work related. And then it dawned on me that I had no specific topics to write about if I was to avoid talking about teaching.

Man, my life is so boring.

And so, some random thoughts in no particular order:

1. Today is a boring Saturday.

2. It is boring because I'm staying at home to make sure I fully recover such that I stop rasping and croaking like a 1000-year-old-toad to my 400 students come lessons next week. Actually I just want to recover so that I can quickly attack the 600g of Ba Gua sitting on my kitchen table.

3. I'm not thinking about her as much these days.

4. I hope my brother is not gay because he brought over a guy friend to sleep over yesterday.

5. I hope he does not read this. If not he will skin me left right up down centre and hang me upside down outside our home.

Thats all folks.

I'm going back to my unmarked worksheets.

Why You Should Not Look Down On The Normal Stream Students

When teachers meet each other on the corridors, besides giving the all-diplomatic-smile, the first things they do is ask, Which class are you going to?

Any answers that points to a Normal Stream class is normally met with a Good Luck or Best of Luck. And my school is considered a not bad school already.

Senior teachers have been advising us reliefs to adopt the "teach less do more" approach in Normal Classes. Meaning cut short lecture, use the time to let them copy the workbook answers. Meaning giving up on them.

I cannot fault them because after years of teaching, their energy and passion has long been hollow-ed out.

But me, being new, being young, being fresh and full of energy is still trying. I saw one of my two classes of Normal Students today.

After waiting for 10 mins for them to settle down without interrupting them, I said, "those wan learn come in front. Those bo chap go to the back. at the back you can do anything you want except sleep and disturbing me. i dun care (gives my most bo chap face)"

Imagine my surprise when the whole class moved forward. Even if it turned out later that some just followed the crowd and kept talking, I could see more faces following my lesson. Although its still early to conclude, but at least its a early victory. And I look forward to going in next week.

Now, to my arrogant and ignorant counterparts who rose through the express/special streams, those normal students are not stupid.

In fact if we migrate the schooling population to countries such as Switzerland, you will be classified as Normal students. Over there, unlike Singapore, vocational skills are more valued than academic results.

Me will be the worst student I tell you. I hand like leg, leg like hand. Cannot coordinate.

Those Normal students are just victims of our locally chosen education system.

Now as my friend always say, Wake Up Your Bloody Idea

You Come Here, Why Your Skirt So Short

Today's post is a follow up on this post.

The relief teachers were all gathered for lunch after school. Halfway through our meal, one of them exclaimed, Look at her (student) skirt! So short!

Responding to my inborn instincts, I of course immediately turned and look. Got short skirt of course look. But before I could take a closer look, I was promptly verbally slapped left right up down centre for being a pervert by the female colleagues, which happened to be the majority present.

Ask me to look so I look. Like that also wrong.

But a guy got to be smart. Never fight a losing battle in a hopeless war.

After the ladies finish bitching criticizing about the short skirt, another commented this, Last time in our school the male teachers are not allowed to tell the female students their skirts are too short.

Now I think this rule is abusurd. Because no male teachers in the right frame of mind will do that. With students nowadays, you can't predict their responses,

"Teacher, why you look at my skirt? My legs nice?"

You have no choice but to say No.

"Teacher dun bluff la, not nice you still see. You better confirm again (pull skirts higher)"

At this point if your nose start to bleed, thats it. By the end of the week, Í'm sure you earn a new nickname as The Teacher Who Look At Skirts.

Being a teacher is hard.

Being a male teacher is even harder you know.

They Screamed My Name In A Shopping Mall

The teacher in me delivers today's lesson: Being stubborn will not pay.

Despite big dark evil looking clouds invading our skies each day, I indignantly refuse to carry an umbrella out with me.

As I left school today, the skies opened up like our Merlion in the Singapore river. I was very well trapped since the nearest shelter and my destination (shopping mall) was a good 100 metres away. Running across was not an option since I think I would have drowned within 10 steps without an umbrella.

Besides, me is teacher. Got public image to uphold. Cannot anyhow run here run there.

Waiting patiently beneath a HDB block, this group of my student (all girls) came across. Each with an umbrella. Observing my forlorn situation, they gleefully jumped into the rain, waving their umbrellas about.

They laughed, they taunted the teacher without the umbrella. But they all ran away very quickly after I kindly offered threatened to give them more homework if they stayed.

Students nowadays (shakes head and sign).

Lucky me smart. Navigate to the nearby bus stop to take bus to shopping mall.

Heart pain, 61 cents you know.

At the shopping mall, I saw the same group of students. At the very public shopping mall, with tons of people inside, they screamed, Mmmmmrrrrr (innnsseertt mmmyyy ssssuuurrrnammmee), you again! , before proceeding to jump and run towards me.

At the instant they screamed, hundreds of people turned towards me.

I have never been so paiseh.

Student Run, Teacher Chase

On my desk next to me sits a grand pile of at least 400 worksheet sets to be marked. Half of them are two-paged. And they are not multiple choice questions. They are open ended questions with alot alot words.

Over-the-weekend-must-mark-finish.

And you cannot imagine how much effort I took in order to get these 400 worksheet sets to torture myself over the weekend to mark to help my students improve. I nag during lessons, I nag during recess, I nag after school. Until I nag until cannot nag, ask those with outstanding assignements undone to stay back after school.

To my absolute surprise, when I arrived at those classrooms, majority of the culprits had already escaped. And I reached only 5 minutes after the bell rang.

Next time must park myself outside 5 mins before the bell ring.

I even went all the way to the basketball court to catch them. But the court so pack and so many students, I din recognise any faces. Me being me, dun give a damn. Dun care whether my students or not my students. So I let loose my once-a-parade-commander-many-years-ago voice, with a extremely pissed off face.

I raged across two basketball courts.

"Those from (insert class), (insert class) and (insert class), you better get yourself over here now."

They were all so stunned that all of them froze. Basketballs flew everywhere into the bushes. I almost laughed.

Next Monday.

Next Monday I will get the remaining culprits and whack them left right up down centre.

Then hang upside down outside the school date.

Watch the New Paper for the Teacher Who Tortured His Students.

I'm Sane/Crazy/Sane/Crazy/Sane/Crazy. I Don't Know

Reading through all my previous blog posts, it occured to me that I sound like a just-escape-from-mental-asylum madman.

While some posts are downright serious, others are crazily insane. And there are those which I myself think should be classified under stupidly ridiculously. What in the world was I thinking when I typed them out?

I thought long.
I thought hard.
But still no answers. Only more white hair.

Which reminds me. My students seems to have a issue with my hair.

"Teacher! Why your hair so white" teacher always think of girls
"Teacher! Why your fringe so long" precisely why I teacher, you student
"Teacher! Why your hair this way" ..... I like?

But of course I didn't answer. Pretend to never hear. Besides, they never raise their hands. So not counted. Being a teacher got its perks you know.

If not next Monday I think I will see parents queuing up to complain against me. Since they so kaisu I think they would have started chopping queue numbers outside the school gate long before our big bright yellow sun climbed over the HDB flat to say hello.

*shudders*

I Am Still In The Teacher's Room

I'm typing this from my workplace in school. At 4.00 pm. So those who thinks relief teaching is relaxing should think twice.

I'm not slacking now. I'm just waiting for my turn to use the photocopier. You will think thats strange because I count... one.. two.. three.. four.. five..six.. photocopiers around me. Yes you read right, six photocopiers. Of which 3 or 4 normally with paper jams and the dumb dumb teachers dunno how to take the stuck paper out. Oh well, I also dunno how to clear the stuck papers.

Unfortunately, of the six avaliable, only one can do mass printing. The others churn out your papers like snails and we(teachers) are not supposed to use them in case they breakdown, probably due to overload.

And I must say again, teachers work very hard. The current teacher has been on the mass photocopier for more then half an hour. And good god, she is armed with enough papers for a long world war. God Bless her students, I tell you.

By the way, I used up 2 reams of paper today. Which means to say I have use up like 500 X 2 = 1000 pieces of white paper. See, I am very hard working also. And a while ago I signed out for another 3 reams of paper. So technically, today, I am the most hardworking teacher in the school since I draw out the most paper.

And oh I also must tell you.........WAIT........

Another teacher armed with enough paper for a short world war is approaching, I must faster go chop my place in the queue.......

Its Not Easy Being A Teacher

Along the years, I've learnt that you only truly understand things when you have the opportunity to experience them yourself. Like how a girl can never understand a guy's pain of 2 years of NS, a student can never understand the work of a teacher.

And it is now, on day 2 of my teaching stint, that I truly sees the efforts put in by school teachers. They slog everyday. And slog they do. Within the cold walls of the staff room, from where students are blinded and oblivious to what is really happening, teachers rush to get things done.

They rush to photocopy notes in time for the next lesson. These notes, many students misplace them.

They rush to get ready the day's presentation slides. These slides, many students look at them with blank stares.

They rush to create the next set of worksheets. These worksheets, many students just copy the answers from their peers.

They rush to prepare students for exams. These exams, many students don't bother about them.

And I am guilty. Guilty of the above and of many many other things that I will not do as a student if time reverses.

I wonder, why they do not build glass doors for the staff room. Glass doors that allows students to see what their teachers do for them. I think the idea's dumb but I can't think of anything else. Can't possibly put webcams in teachers room so that students can access them online real-time right?

I wonder.

I wonder how she is doing now. Hope she returns soon.

I Am A Teacher OK

Officially today, 2nd January 2008, I am proud to announce that I'm a relief teacher. Woot!

Am teaching a certain subject at a certain school. No I will not be specific less MOE stumbles on this blog and I make the New Paper headlines.

First day of school today was chaotic. And it was obvious that students were out to "test waters" to see whether I will float or sink.

Lucky me is guy, got loud voice. Lucky me is ugly, got fierce face. Lucky me last time from uniform groups, got experience in controlling groups. Lucky me teaching not so big boys and girls, got enough power to control them. And so I think I very well belong to the floating type.

But still, after three straight lessons, I had to send out SOS call to canteen to save my throat. Because I shout and shout and shout so much in those lessons. I now declare Jia Jia Liang Teh is now my best friend. Drink already, my throat revive.

As I was buying my Jia Jia Liang Teh, this perm teacher laughed at me : So fast need Jia Jia Liang Teh for your throat already?

Tomorrow I show her.

Tomorrow I buy Red Bull.

Today, later, I drink more Jia Jia Liang Teh