If Only The World Was So Simple

If you recall how I was stranded by the very big until cannot get bigger downpour, you would know that I need to walk a long way before I can get my transport home from my workplace.

Walking along this path can get interesting since occasionally I meet some of my students along the way.

That day, I caught up with this girl whose name was among the first I remembed. That so because she's popular in class. Popular in the sense all the guys will come and bully her automatically, even during my lesson. I also like her (Read: Like, Not Love) as she was constantly cheerful and laughing like a mad woman.

That day, she was walking slower then the slowest snail. Me, being a outstanding and caring teacher, had to show my concern by inquiring, "Are you feeling all right."

She gave me a the-world-had-just-collapsed-on-me look, replying "I quarelled with my friend, want to say sorry also cannot because not my fault."

If only my problems are as easy as this. I advised, "some things no right no wrong, just need one party to say sorry, everyone happy. You can be heroine"
See, I always talk nonsense but can give very good advice OK.

Meanwhile, she looked as if she was ready to worship me. She thanked me and then she turned back to her usual stuff. Laughing hysterically. Jump here jump there.

It was then I decided to execute my exit strategies.

"Oh, I'll be going in this direction. Bye Bye."

(Spun and escaped)

Knight Me

Did not manage to blog yesterday because I had three straight hours of lesson followed by two straight hours of marking and rounded off by four straight hours of private tuition.

That day, I mentioned to a friend that I should be knighted for my sacrifices to the Singapore education system. You know, knight. Those type where you ask someone to move a silver sword up and down your head. Like call me Sir.

He looked at me as if I've gone mad, before proceeding to release a continuous burst of maniac laughter.

When he managed to calm down 5 mins later, he thanked me for making his day.

Wa Lau

PS: Since my free joke of the day keeps the expensive money sucking family doctor away from you, I shall demand some consultation fee from you the next time we meet. Watch Out.

You Cut Line, I Feel Impotent

My telco stopped providing mobile services to me today.

That was apparently after they sent two sms reminders to me to quickly pay up the three months of outstanding bills. But I conveniently ignored the two reminders while my dad conveniently forgot to pay the three months of bills.

Nothing wrong with asking parents to pay handphone bills what. Outside got car-pooling, my family got bill-pooling. One person pay for everybody make things simple. Somemore my bills cheap cheap,will not go beyond $30 a month.

They cut service. But can still receive sms. Can still receive call. So that you become strongly encouraged to pay up ASAP. So very smart of them.

They cut service. I cannot reply sms. I cannot call. Want to, but cannot. Really want to, but still cannot.

Now I understand the pain of impotent people. The feeling of wanting to do something very much but having no way of doing it. Very scared I impotent next time. Must die die squeeze more entries into my "Good Karma" File.

Managed to only reply using my dad's phone' (his line under another telco) after reaching home.

One friend replied immediately, Huh? Why you use your student handphone?

You see, even my friends think I'm lunatic enough to do such crazy things.

Where got teachers so crazy enough to borrow their student's handphone to use??

"Teacher! I Found A $2 Note"

Being a extremely hard working and dedicated teacher I am, I almost forgot to take lunch today.

To cut the whole grandmother story very short, a student interrupted my not-very-nice-tasting lunch (what to do, at 3+ pm those stalls with very-nice-tasting food close stall and go home already. only those cannot-make-it stalls remain open to prey on left-with-no-choice victims like me).

She (student) attempted to pass me this $2 note. Without hesitation I reached for it. My hand reach halfway, then I recalled that I had used my $2 note to pay for my food so its definitely not mine. But a very wise man once said:

Never mind, Got Money Take First Then Say

And the very last moment, she declared : "Teacher! I found this on the floor."

And I was very well stunned. Because I cannot remember the last time anybody did not want to keep money they found on the floor. Especially since $2 should be alot of money to a lower sec student.

People walk on streets outside pick up 10 cents coin they also lagi happy the whole day. In fact I think if you take a $2 note and hand it over to the nearest police post they will lock you up and charge you in court for being a public nuisance.

After recovering from my shock, I told her to give the money to the general office instead as I think I will be tempted to keep the money for myself I think that is the proper procedures.

I may not have any remaining the highest moral values. But I cannot be worse then a sec one student right?

Hmmm, need to record this good deed I did today in my "Good Karma" File. Teacher must set good example. Be role model. So I diligently update my file. One fine day if I'm summoned to see whether I qualify for heaven or hell, I will be well prepared.

Problem is,

My "Bad Karma" file very thick ; My "Good Karma" File very thin.

How

Of Her Skirts Getting Shorter and His Pants Getting Longer

Stepping into school half awake on a freaking Monday morning at a freaking time where its still freaking dark, there were two students who caught my eye immediately.

A sec one guy. And a sec one girl.

Alright I admit I assumed they were sec one since firstly, they were still really really small. Like if big wind blow they will fly away. Secondly, their bag is as big as my army field pack (field pack=army bag) that I brought along for a 7 day 6 night nightmare stay in a forest without brushing my teeth happy camping trip during my Basic Military Training.

And for you people with distorted minds out there, no they are not love birds holding hands.

What piqued my interest was their school uniform. The guy's shorts was so short I felt sorry for his precious thing. It/He/Whatever must have been suffocating like crazy. As for the girl, her skirt was so long that I think if you tear half of it away it would still be longer than a upper sec girl's skirt.

I can imagine as the years go by, the pants gets more baggy and baggy.
I can imagine as the years go by, the skirts get shorter and shorter.

And so a chain of thoughts was triggered. I think we humans have the knack of always asking for the wrong things.

We (guys) ask for baggy pants thinking its cool. But baggy pants give a messy look. You (girls) ask for shorter skirts. But..... hmm actually I do not have an issue with this.... shorter skirts invites trouble. We want to work instead of study. But the moment we start work, we want to return to study. We want less thinks to do when we are too busy. Yet when we have nothing to do we look for something to do.

In conclusion, I think the right think to do is to ask for the opposite of what you think you want.

However, I die die still insist on asking for a girlfriend. I'm not going to ask for a boyfriend because my stupid sensible conclusion dictates so.

I may be dumb. But not that dumb.

She Looked At Me With Big-Round-Innocent-Pleading Eyes

First weekend of 2008 was kickstarted with major 21st birthday celebrations. To attend two birthday parties in a single night was stressful. Especially when one is in Changi and another in Woodlands.

Especially when I was banned from leaving the 1st party to attend the 2nd party until the cake was cut. Normally, me being me, would not have given a hoot about the cake. Whether you got cut your cake or not, not my business. I am dead set on executing my exit strategies at 2000 hrs sharp.

But there is nothing much a straight guy like me, the straighter than a straight line type, can do when the birthday girl look at you with big-round-innocent-pleading eyes and say : "so early? but my cake haven't cut yet. pleaaaasssseeee stay until I cut my cake".

I tell you those big-round-innocent-pleading eyes got magic power. When cast under a spell, how you expect me to insist I want to leave. Upon hearing OK, she rewarded me with a smile that was sweeter than the sweetest sweet on earth.

Disclaimer: I swear that the birthday girl was not anybody special. I swear that the birthday girl was not someone I had a crush on last time in secondary school. I also swear that I did not attempt to make her my girlfriend but my advances were largely ignored.

At 10 pm, 2 hours later than my initially planned departure timing, they finally cut the cake and I was free to leave.

At 11pm, 5 hours after the 2nd party started, I arrived at the 2nd party. Upon arrival, Lao Giam, Skinny Man and gang promptly scolded and whacked me left right up down centre. I was abit guilty because the birthday boy was Skinny Man, a friend of mine since primary school.

Disclaimer: I swear that Lao Giam and gang did not call me many many times to hurry me to the party. I swear that I did not choose my birthday girl over my Skinny Man.

I am beginning to confirm the cold hard fact suspect that I rank girls alot higher than guys.

I'm Sane/Crazy/Sane/Crazy/Sane/Crazy. I Don't Know

Reading through all my previous blog posts, it occured to me that I sound like a just-escape-from-mental-asylum madman.

While some posts are downright serious, others are crazily insane. And there are those which I myself think should be classified under stupidly ridiculously. What in the world was I thinking when I typed them out?

I thought long.
I thought hard.
But still no answers. Only more white hair.

Which reminds me. My students seems to have a issue with my hair.

"Teacher! Why your hair so white" teacher always think of girls
"Teacher! Why your fringe so long" precisely why I teacher, you student
"Teacher! Why your hair this way" ..... I like?

But of course I didn't answer. Pretend to never hear. Besides, they never raise their hands. So not counted. Being a teacher got its perks you know.

If not next Monday I think I will see parents queuing up to complain against me. Since they so kaisu I think they would have started chopping queue numbers outside the school gate long before our big bright yellow sun climbed over the HDB flat to say hello.

*shudders*