Anyhow Blog

Since it's a Saturday today, I felt the need to avoid writing down anything that is work related. And then it dawned on me that I had no specific topics to write about if I was to avoid talking about teaching.

Man, my life is so boring.

And so, some random thoughts in no particular order:

1. Today is a boring Saturday.

2. It is boring because I'm staying at home to make sure I fully recover such that I stop rasping and croaking like a 1000-year-old-toad to my 400 students come lessons next week. Actually I just want to recover so that I can quickly attack the 600g of Ba Gua sitting on my kitchen table.

3. I'm not thinking about her as much these days.

4. I hope my brother is not gay because he brought over a guy friend to sleep over yesterday.

5. I hope he does not read this. If not he will skin me left right up down centre and hang me upside down outside our home.

Thats all folks.

I'm going back to my unmarked worksheets.

When I Look At Her

Having attended three 21st birthday parties in the span of two weekends, I'm already starting to feel bored since they are always run in the same sequence.

Arrival (fake wishes of happy birthday cos its not actual day)
Chit chat (how are you now? what are you doing?)
Eat food (pretend food is nice)
Chit chat (desperately find something to talk about)
Cut cake (compulsory to smile and sing birthday song)
Take photo (everyone queue up and take turn)
Bye-bye (finally can execute exit strategies)

Luckily so far so good, no invitations for the month of February.

Another bad thing is you get invited to friend's concerts at such gatherings. I got invited by default when this friend refused to pay me the money for yesterday's birthday present. She adamantly insisted the money was for her concert.

Where got such thing you tell me? If she is a he, I would have whack him left right up down centre to get my money back. But since she is a she, do I look like I have a choice?

Talking about she, reminds me of her.

Female friend was present yesterday.

To my own horror, I caught myself observing her at a few times. And when she went away to chat with other guys, I was not feeling very comfortable. So much so that I abruptly changed my seat's orientation so that she did not remain in my line of sight. Of course, nobody noticed since I'm always tactical.

Ok enough.

I should stop adding to my white hair count thinking of such things. But still I'm holding on to my handphone waiting for her to reply.

Help.

And Off She Flies To, Far Far Away

I had an incredible busy festive period with outings after outings and gatherings after gatherings. So much so that all the time I spent at home this couple of days was on the bed.

So much so that my lips parched and cracked from a lack of moisture due to inadequate water intake.

And as I watched the welcome fireworks for 2008 over Marina Bay at the Padang yesterday, a wave of nostalgic sentiments swept over me. As a friend proclaimed, and I agreed, 2008 will be good no matter how bad it will turn out. For 2008 signifies the end of 2007 (and 2006), the two years where we male species waste 2 years of our life donning the green army uniform.

My very first thoughts of 2008 was that Female Friend would be flying away today. To a far far away place called China.

With her boyfriend.

But I'm sorry to tell you I am not going to do a korean-drama style of running to the airport to stop her from leaving at the very last minute.

Because she will be there only for 9 days. Or 216 hours. Or 12960 mins. Or 777600 seconds. She will come back to Singapore.

I hope she will be back soon.

Meanwhile, happy new year to everyone!

Just, In Time

I'm back here again after a WWIII battling with a computer virus that wrecked the terminal from which I'm typing on now. And it reminds me of a quote that I remember from a war game that I played some time back.

To Make War, Three Things Are Necessary. Money, Money and More Money.

How true. Despite winning the battle, I'm effectively almost $100 poorer.

Ah well, at least I'm back in time for Xmas. And by looking at the time now, you smart guys can probably tell that I'm stuck at home on Xmas Eve.

I is very sad.

The only consolation is the Female Friend offered to hand-bake some xmas cookies for me.

But, I is still very sad.

And She Was Late For The DATE

Female Friend arranged to meet up with me at 1230 pm today.

At 1234 pm, Female Friend was nowhere to be seen. And my suspicions that she is going to be late unfortunately turned true after exchanging a series of SMSs.

Female Friend: Me is going to be late. Dun ask me where I am. Haha

Me: I knew it. Lemme guess, you must still be at home.

Female Friend: No you are wrong! Me is right outside my house. Am going to bus stop now. Go to (restaurant's name) and chop seats first.

(One hour and fifteen minutes later)

Me: U better come quick because everone in the restaurant is giving me the all very pitiful looks. When you reach they will give you the i-know-you-turn-up-very-late look.

Female Friend: Haha! But they will change their mind once they see me and give the omg-she-so-very-pretty look. I feel so sorry for the restaurant. Having you sit inside must have frightened off potential customers.

And so Female Friend was late for a grand total of one hour and nineteen minutes.
And so I dumbly sat inside the restaurant for a grand total of one hour and nineteen minutes.

Now although a guy knows a girl is probably going to be late, the very poor male species is often left with no choice but to still turn up early. The male species would rather be tortued by long waiting time rather than create a image of a turn up late for date kind of guy.

Once a girl knows you turn up late, she will tell 10 friends who will in turn tell another 10 friends. And Singapore is not that big, so very soon no girls will want to date you. I am still single and avaliable. I do not want to be single but unavaliable.

And you know why Singapore is not that big? Because in a short span of 4 hours, I saw so many familiar faces that when formed into a line, they can each have a big bright letter on their forehead to form this word:

S-C-A-N-D-A-L-O-U-S

I have a lot of answerings to do for the next few days.

Ministers Pay HIKES 4% to 21%

Just as I was researching ways to impress Female Friend for our upcoming date on Saturday, the very loud TV in my room announced : Ministers Pay Hikes 4% to 21%.

Wah how can?

Now, how do i sign up to become a young PAP member. Female friend will be very impressed when I show her the PAP registration form on Sunday.

If cannot be prime minister, at least can be tail-wagging MP in one of the GRC right?

Oh ya, must remember to change my surname to Lee.

Oh wait. I live in Hougang! Cannot cannot.

I must tell Female friend I intend to move into her house. She stay Bukit Timah. Very near to all the rich and powerful people.

This is call: Kill two bird with one stone.

Smart me.

And She Asked Me For A DATE

Late in the wee hours, I chatted with my Female Friend on MSN.

Female friend is a Classmate. Female Friend is quite attractive, though only from certain angles. Female friend is very flirthy.

And Female friend is also filthy rich.

Cash-checked
Car-checked
Condo-checked
Credit Card-checked
(what's the last C ? never mind forget already)

My type of girlfriend since she is short, pretty and rich. And so we flirted chatted on MSN for three hours. During which she mentioned that her current boy is busy and has no time for her.

Recognising the hint instantly, I immediately launched an attack and sparred with her.

Blabbering Dictionary for sparring - defined as a series of manoveures where the guy tries to date a girl and the girl play hard to get

Now I don't normally seduce talk to other people's girl okie. But what to do when she intiated the date. It is morally and ethically wrong to reject such advances you know.

After all we are only going to shop for christmas presents only, I think.

Christmas presents and nothing else, I think.

47 hours 16 minutes to date with Female Friend.

Wish me luck !

I Popped The BIG Question, She Said......

...... "right now we (friend P and her boyfriend) are separated but still together".

Not those BIG question that awaits a "I Do" answer. No No No.

But I should just start from the beginning.

6.01 pm
Met up with ex-classmates at our pre-arranged rendevous point. Friend P was late as usual. No surprises there.

6.35pm
Fended off those go-on-flirt-with-her and go-for-it looks from other classmates before finding an oppournity to speak alone with friend P.

And I popped my BIG question: So what is your marital status now?

Friend P: oh! separated but still seeing each other.

Me (prepares champagne for celebration) : Huh? Means break up already la.

Friend P (sharpens her knifes) : No. Separated but still seeing each other.

Me (indignant) : B-R-E-A-K ----U-P.

Friend P (executes her knife combos) : -shrieks,screams,protests-

Me (bloodied, broken and surrendering) : Okokokokok! Separated but still seeing each other.

Friend P (gives stupid-blonde look) : Actually can say still attached.

Me (surrendered) : Orh.

6.40pm - Home Sweet Home
-Empty-
(Author does not remember what happened during this period).

I guess thats it.

Friend P will never be girlfriend P.

Just Friend P.

Update: Actually I'm just fooling around. Not interested in friend P in any way. She is way too high maintenance type of girl for me. And besides, years after leaving school, we have nothing much to talk about to each other these days.

How Come The Girls All Ignore Me

I am a very sad person.

It has been a few hours since this post, but up till now theblabberingme@gmail.com has 0 mails in the inbox. All I have is spam mails selling me viagra and condoms.

The Blabbering Me has cleared his inbox of all of his very precious porn art collection in anticipation of the flood of sweet young things that will email dating invitations to him. The Blabbering Me is very regretful of his actions and will now restart the painful task of re-collecting all his precious collections from the World Wide Web.

Famous quote: Lose the battle but win the war.

The Blabbering Me believes it is a sign from heavens for him to find the courage and finally hit upon gal-friend M when he meets her later in the evening.

Now please excuse The Blabbering Me as he go and do up his Leonardo Di Carprio hair that will contribute to his Andy Lau's image.

I Is Boyfriend Material. Are You?

I discovered that I have been bringing up this particular quote this week : (insert friend's name) is so boyfriend material !

It came about when a guy friend of mine, E-Cup Head (so called due to his very big head), suddenly stopped in front of some movie posters.

He then declared with the dun-argue-with-me-cos-i-think-i'm-damn-correct look : I want to watch Enchanted , the Bee Movie and Fred Claus because I think they are nice movies.

Being a manly guy, I died again.

I was very shocked because those are chic movies. And only girls want to watch chic movies.













Which guy will want to watch the above movies?!?!

But seeing his dun-argue-with-me-cos-i-think-i'm-damn-correct look, I told him saying such a statement to a girl will get him +3 Boyfriend Material Points (BMP). Thus he is boyfriend material.

Needless to say, E-Cup Head was very happy for the rest of the day.

But the main point of this post is I think I am more boyfriend material.

- I am not rich (-1 BMP) so I never go Geylang or dirty karaoke before (+2 BMP)

- I not romantic (-1 BMP) which makes me unpopular with other girls except my girlfriend(+2 BMP)

- I am short (-1 BMP) but I only chase short skirts (+2 BMP)
(short skirts=short girls wearing short skirts. of course must be cute la)

And the last critical reason,

- I am straight. Straighter than a straight line. (+10 BMP)

In conclusion, I am at least +13 BMP. At least. Because listing out everything will take forever you know.

And so I is Happy Man.

So drop an dating invitation email to theblabberingme@gmail.com now ! Ladies only please.

Emphasise: Ladies only please.

I Was The Third Party

I never thought that this could happen. To make things worse, everyone else knew about it. I was very well the last.

And I only found out at the very last moment.

The very very last moment when I saw him. We were supposed to go to this Nike warehosue sale together. Only to see his girlfriend clinging next to him like a koala bear.

Nabeh.

Why must call me out to go when he got pretty girlfriend already. Shining like a light bulb brighter then the freaking sun, I struggled to maintain the no-go zone between me and them.

And I also struggle not to steal some glances at his quite pretty girlfriend who was in a quite figure-hugging shirt. Hmmm.. my friend has good tastes. Hmmm.. my friend's girlfriend does not have very good tastes though.

Because I bro-before-hoes, I must attempt not to stare at my friend's girlfriend.

I must admit though, I was not very successful in my attempts.

Upgrade From Boyfriend To Husband

A funny email I received from a friend a while back,

UPGRADE FROM BOYFRIEND TO HUSBAND

Dear IT Support, Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a slow down in the overall performance, particularly in the flower, gifts and jewellery applications that had operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 un-installed many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, but installed undesirable programs such as Formula One 5.0, NBA 3.0 and World Cup 2.0.

And now Conversation 8.0 no longer runs and House Cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do?

Signed,
Desperate Housewife

Reply:

Dear Desperate Housewife,

First keep in mind: Boyfriend 5.0 is an entertainment package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Try entering the command C:\ I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME and download Tears 6.2 to install Guilt 3.0. If all works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

But remember, overuse can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Late Night Teh Tarik 6.1. Late Night 6.1 is a very bad program that will create SnoringLoudly.wav files.

Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-Law 1.0 or reinstall another Boyfriend program. These are not supported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have a limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider additional software to improve memory and performance.

I personally recommend Hot Tasty Food 3.0 and Tongkat Ali 6.9.

Good Luck,
IT Support